She Runs A Good Race

mothering is a marathon

Because I Deserve It, Right? Hmm…

on April 2, 2012

As I checked my inbox of email one morning, all the retailers notifying me of 30% off deals, all stated in bold caps “YOU DESERVE IT.”

And depending on the day or week I’ve had, or the season of life I’m in, I just may choose to agree. 

Inside I may say “OH, YES I DO!” and start click-clicking away and fill up my cyber-shopping cart with lots of goodies.

It is so easy to get into the mentality as a mom, that because I work so hard, because I work 24/7, because this maternal hat squeezes my head daily, that I deserve…. (You fill in the blank for what your vice, escape, or your want-disguised-as-need is.) We moms could get together and have whole parties over this and fully justify it and rationalize it.

But something’s not right.  Deep inside this does not sit right in my soul.  As I go on year 12 of being a mother, I see how selfish I am.  Really.  I want to be different, more giving of myself, especially of my time, which I hoard, hoard, and hoard.  I hoard it Because I Deserve It.

  • I deserve to exercise 5-6 days a week.
  • I deserve mommy breaks to get a pedicure or lunch with a sweet girlfriend.
  • And yes, I deserve another pair of shoes.

Hmm…

Now I’m not saying that I, or any mother should turn into martyr-mom with no boundaries, and do everything for everyone and never take care of themselves. There are some moms who swing to this other side of the pendulum, which can be dangerous and detrimental although it may appear altruistic and selfless.   If I don’t take breaks, have date nights, girls’ nights, and make healthy choices for myself, then I am headed for a serious breakdown and major mommy revolt!

What I am striving for is a heart and attitude of giving to my family and community cheerfully.  To look for ways to reach out, and get out of my proverbial, comfortable box.  To give personal touches, to be generous, and to help those in need. (I must knock on my elderly neighbor’s door today.)

What I am striving for is to NOT be irritated by my little people’s needs (or my husband’s, lets be real here…) or interruptions while I’m cleaning, working on a “project,” emailing or reading or…you get the idea.

To be happily willing to stop, look at them in the eye and say, with true sincerity, “What is it, honey?”  Because, they are more important than my never-ending to-do list!!

If I am supposed to be an example of God’s amazing love and care to my children—

If I am to be modeling selflessness and generosity—

I can’t be all consumed with my to-do’s, my wants, my, and mine.  Not if I stay in my own little wrapped up world where my schedule is about me and what I deserve.  To say to my kids and husband, “You are worth my time,” is a powerful message.  It feeds their souls.  For a lifetime.

And THEY deserve it.  They deserve the best of me.

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5 responses to “Because I Deserve It, Right? Hmm…

  1. Suzie Lind says:

    Jess, your thoughts are both convicting and compelling. Thank you for spurring us on!

  2. Suzanne says:

    Thanks for talking about the balance… they do deserve it!

  3. Liz says:

    Wise words from a wise woman… I am constantly striving for that ever- elusive “balance” in my life… My pendulum often swinging too far to the extremes. My goal is to find those places and people from whom I get a full heart by giving to them… There is where I find the true joy of “giving of self”. Thank you for sharing as always … XO Liz

  4. Jeannette says:

    Loved your thoughts. This is a daily struggle. Great way to start my day with your message, a reminder that true joy is found in serving.

  5. Mary says:

    Loved this post — you articulate something I’ve been thinking about for a while. It’s so hard to find the balance, but the awareness is the first step!

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