She Runs A Good Race

mothering is a marathon

Ryan’s Birth Story (Part 1)

on April 9, 2012

JUNE 27, 2003

It’s a girl

No, no ,no

It’s a boy

Ryan Bradley Patay

He doesn’t cry

Boy parts wrong

He doesn’t eat

He can’t suck

Mom, Dad happy

Mom, Dad worried

So many tests

Don’t have diagnosis

Transferred to “Peds”

Mom with Ryan

In walks Camille

Camille the OT

I break down

Tears, worries, tears

What is happening

Why why why

Something’s very wrong

My baby’s broken

No one knows

No answers yet

Poor Baby Ryan

And poor me

He didn’t cry.  Hardly at all. Ever.  Ryan didn’t cry pretty much his whole first year of life.

When Ryan first came out of my body after two pushes and a picture-perfect delivery, and a picture-perfect pregnancy, mind you, what struck me was he let out barely a cry.  I thought I won the lottery and got an “easy baby,” a mellow newborn.  This was quite a change from Luke,  who got kicked out of the nursery as a newborn because he had his days and nights mixed up, and my darn nurse was not too forgiving about that.

The other striking issue at the moment of birth was that his testicles were not descended.  Both. Not just one, which is very common, my mother reassured me. I thought, “hmm???”  but really was not freaked out.  His respiration rate was high but otherwise he seemed perfect and tiny and beautiful to me. I was in love with my second son. Ryan Bradley Patay, his middle name given to him from Chris’ twin brother and best friend.

The first 24 hours for me was a little bit of a blur of post partum joy and some concern but not all out worry about my newborn.  NOT until the doctors and nurses said a bunch of tests needed to be run.  They ordered an ultrasound of his abdomen “to rule out if he had a uterus,” (WHAT??) and a brain scan and lots of blood tests.  That was Day 2.

Ryan was not waking or crying for food, nor could he suck very well. Day 1 this didn’t stand out to me–again, I thought I had a mellow, sleepy newborn. But by Day 2, the nurses got more insistent I try waking him and stirring him,  try a bottle of formula and see if he could take an ounce, even a sip.  He could not.

Next they told me I would be discharged and Ryan would not. Because he was showing a “failure to thrive” ( a term new to me), he would go to the Pediatric Ward (“Peds”) for a few days.  He was to have some tube feedings, and work with an OT (occupational therapist) to wake up Ryan’s mouth. Just a few days, right? And then we could go home??

This was not the case I would soon discover…


10 responses to “Ryan’s Birth Story (Part 1)

  1. adexoxox says:

    Thanks for starting this series, Jessica! I’m looking forward to following along and hearing this part of the story…xoxox

  2. Gina says:

    Jess…I love the simplicity yet depth of this! As I read, I could actually visualize the events. You left me hangin’! Can’t wait for Part II!

  3. KIrsten Hanson says:

    Beautifully written Jess. Simple, clear, profound.

  4. Liz says:

    And how far he has come… a testament to the dedication and love of his family…. every time I look into those beautiful blue eyes I can’t help but smile no matter the mood I’m in : ). Looking forward to part II

  5. Suzie Lind says:

    I’ll never forget coming to see you in the hospital and watching this journey begin for you. You’ve captured it so well and are now taking us to the deeper places we did not have privy to before. Love you.

  6. Suzanne says:

    He is well loved… thank you for sharing your love/pain story with all of us.

  7. Ms. Nicole says:

    I LOVE RYAN!!!! & your whole family. Thanks for being a great role model of a parent to all those around you!

  8. Micah says:

    Jess, I so remember hearing the beginning to this story as I was getting ready to hop a plane to move overseas. We all prayed for “baby Ryan”. My Ryan was particularly interested in hearing all the news as the days, weeks and months went by. So glad you are sharing your story. Love and miss you!

  9. Gayle says:

    Jess, Ryan’s birth and my wedding are entwined in my memory. You couldn’t make our wedding because you had just delivered Ryan. We both were on emotional highs. Then, Ryan’s diagnosis and our family was forever changed – especially for you, dear sister. I love you.

  10. Deanne says:

    Jess- I love how real you are about your life. I can learn a lot from you. I too remember praying for baby Ryan as the prayer request was shared at our tiny church. Ryan was our first home grown baby. He’s come a long way!

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