And in seven years from now he will start college. COLLEGE!!
As my young boy started his new life in dreaded middle school (me dreading it…), it hit me. HARD. We have only 7 years left with him.
Then we, too, will be standing at the gate at the airport like Adam and Christina Braverman in this season’s first episode of Parenthood, waving goodbye to their firstborn child, and holding back an avalanche of salty tears.
Seven. 7. Seven. 7. Seven. Dancing 7’s in my head. Is that enough time to reverse any psychological damage done by snarky comments and impatient-stressed-out-mommy moments??
Is that enough to teach him EVERYTHING that is left to teach him?
Lessons I want to teach him, from all things practical to deeply spiritual are swishing around my brain, making me yearn to STOP THE CLOCK. Please.
I love Luke at this age. And he still loves me. A lot. He still hugs me. He still kisses me. He still wants me to tuck him in at night. He wants to have “private conversations”with me. He says “sorry” very quickly after mouthing off or blowing it. He wants to please. He loves learning and exploring. He is bright-eyed and happy. I have witnessed only a few glimpses of adolescent edge and moodiness so far.
However, if you read my first blog post, I promised I would never act like my life is perfect or kids are perfect. I have not been a perfect mommy. And there were many days in the past I struggled with Luke. We have had our power struggles, our fights, our disagreements. I nag him to clean his room and close his drawers. I get “push-back” from him. Its not all daisies and roses, (with any child), but I love him to pieces and would jump in front of a car to save him. Yes, I would.
I’m savoring Luke at this age. I’m watching him more closely and intentionally. I’m studying him. I want to be with him, not just be a passerby watching a movie of her child’s life. This requires slowwww–ing down. Me slowing down and being more present, less to-do-oriented.
So with the “only 7 years left epiphany” I am feeling a sense of urgency to be EXTREMELY intentional. About our time together. About HOW he spends his time. About WHO he spends time with. About how he spends or saves his money. About what he watches or music he listens to.
AND about my being less sarcastic and more soft and full of grace. About having talks with him. More talks. Not in a manufactured canned sort of way. But, in tuning in to his words and day-to-day-life stories, and praying silently for wisdom along the way. So that my words come out organically and not preachy. (Please God, help me with this!)
I have also experienced a little panic attack that we have only 7 years left to save up for college. Yikes! But that is for another blog post. Another day.
Today I will just hug, and love on, and breathe in my sweet Luke.