“Oh, honey, you wore that outfit yesterday. Why don’t you pick out something different for today? We don’t wear the same outfit two days in a row.”
Did I really just say that? Does it really matter? She got dressed by herself, brushed her hair nicely, and all without me asking or urging her to do ANYTHING. Well done, my daughter. Thank you for getting ready quickly and all by yourself…is what I SHOULD have said.
And before you judge me, I need to say that I did NOT make her change or go on and on about it. I dropped it.
As a post-40 grown-up, I don’t care if I wear the same outfit two days in a row. Or if I have make-up on every day or my hair is perfectly coiffed.
As a mother, a fellow girl, I DO know, though, how girls are. I know what’s coming. How girls can be catty and cruel to each other. Size each other up. Compare. Compete. Judge. Care WAY too much about looks and shoes and hair and latest trends. Heck, I still feel and fight against the external pressures and inner voices telling me to keep up appearances. So how am I supposed to prepare her or try to steer her away from this?
At the same time that I want her to grow up SOMEHOW FREE of this, I am burdening her with this by telling her not to wear the same outfit two days in a row because some snotty kid may say something to her. So I am wrong. Again.
Girls have a gift to give each other. Women have a gift to give each other. If they could only get past the ugly stuff, and the insecurity that breeds it all! Why is there so much yucky stuff that prevents women from openly and honestly loving on one another?
Not to sound whiny and “cant we just all get alooooong???” here, but can’t we?
Every woman has a world of talents, abilities, wisdom, and joy to give as she shares herself with others with freedom and abandon. Every woman has a story, or many life stories, that connect her with other women. No woman has arrived at womanhood without some experience, some mistake, some triumph, some relationship, some family history, some dormant dreams, some fulfilled dreams, some longings of the heart. All these can be unwrapped and unfolded if we can bring ourselves to the place of caring more about uplifting others than protecting ourselves from scars or judgment or disappointment.
Yes, easier said than done, if you are the woman who has been burned and wounded by other women.
Or if you have childhood memories where everyone in 5th grade turned on you because of one snot-of-a-bully-girl and you got cruelly laughed off the playground. And you have not trusted women since. Or you had a mother or sister who was unstable or manipulative or volatile, and made an early decision to make boys (now men) your best friends. Only. If this is you, and you are reading this, my hope is that somehow someway you can trust again. You can take a risk again. That God would bring the just-what-you-need-in-an-ideal-friend your way. And soon. And that you will see His handiwork in orchestrating a new friendship with gifts to unwrap.
We need each other. Now. Without the foolish, girlish stuff. Just real. Raw. Honest. Loving. Accepting. Uplifting. Transforming.
Hear more stories at http://bevygirls.com/