She Runs A Good Race

mothering is a marathon

Wanderlust

on April 4, 2013

I could run away today.

I told you that I love being a mother.  And I told you that there are days that I don’t.

I do sometimes fantasize what it would be like to just travel, write, have some adventures (if I were truly that brave) and somehow make money to support myself.  To be my age, with life experience, wisdom gained, and little responsibility.  Not that I want to be IRRESPONSIBLE.  Not at all.

NOT that I don’t love my sweet husband or children or family life, even with the hot minivan and all.  Not that I don’t have a million zillion things in this life to be grateful for.  Not that I want someone else or different children.  I am NOT saying that.

I just sometimes want to feel that carefree feeling again.  To not worry or feel the mom-guilt or wife-guilt about what I do or don’t do in my roles. To not always think about how I need to change this or that, and finish those scrapbooks (where are they?) and try harder, and be more patient, and give more of myself, and meal plan and schedule plan, and life plan.  (I’m a planner by nature but sometimes I want to chuck my old-fashioned paper schedule into the Pacific Ocean. But then panic would set in and it would get ugly.)

Do you ever feel this way? EVER?  Do you ever fantasize about those days before kids when you had 54 hours in a day and all you cared about was seeing your spouse at the end of a workday? What did Chris and I do with all our time? We ran together, we trained together for our first marathon, we travelled,we slept on Manhattan Beach on Sunday afternoons because we just FELT LIKE IT.  Ahhhhh…..

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6 responses to “Wanderlust

  1. Linda Frye says:

    Jessica,

    This reminds me of words to a Leonard Cohen song…..

    Like a bird on a wire…

    Like a drunk in a midnight choir

    I have tried in my way, to be free.

    (a Hippy thing)

    Linda, Rebecca’s mom

  2. Kirsten Hanson says:

    Jess! Yes. I do. Often.

    Let’s run off to an island in Fiji and live that life for a week or two or three!!

    Take comfort in knowing that as your kids get older, some of that comes back. An older, wiser friend once told me that being an empty nester ( I am thinking of Ryan and can appreciate that you may not have the cookie cutter scenario)is like when you were first daing your husband but now you have money!!!!!!

    In the end, yes… I feel exactly like you. To be truly carefree would beAMAZING!!!!

    Love ya, Kirsten

    Sent from my iPhone

  3. Jamie Calvert says:

    We must have been bored to death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just know that I was too busy to get a Christmas tree the first year we were married and by the time I went on Xmas eve to the xmas tree lot all that was left was a branch and that was our tree! What was I doing that I was too busy! It is funny to look back on and wonder! Before you know it, they will be off and you will be lonely thinking about how great it was when they were home!

  4. Liz says:

    Yes I daydream also… Thinking of weekends gone by where my biggest decision was which bathing suit to wear as we went to the beach to read, listen to music and relax in the sun…. Now the beach is bags of stuff and exhausting activity!! But I also have times when I think of just how fast they are growing and how soon they will be gone … What will I do then….

  5. Dana says:

    Nothing a cheap buddy pass to Paris won’t fix. Help yourself! D xo

  6. KC says:

    Hi Jessica,

    My name is KC Owens; I’m a college student who loves to travel! While cruising the Internet, I found your site and really enjoyed reading your posts. Personally, I think traveling is a necessary part of life as you’re exposed to all sorts of new cultures and experiences. While enjoying time abroad, I’ve found it’s crucial to fully understand the dangers that you might encounter along the way. These mishaps are part of life and certainly part of travel but it’s always a great idea to take preventive measures to help ensure your safety while abroad.

    I was hoping that you would allow me to write a post for your site to share my travel safety tips with your readers? I put a lot of time and passion into my traveling and I would love to help others by offering safety advice as a result of the mistakes and triumphs I’ve had. I look forward to hearing from you!

    Best,

    KC Owens

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