I am literally sitting in my bathroom. And yes, I do keep little notebooks EVERYWHERE for when “aha-writing-moments” appear. Which is often, but I don’t always stop long enough to jot it all down. But, I digress.
I am in here not due to tummy catastrophe but because a tantruming child is outside the door. He or she (I won’t give it away) is pounding on the door and apparently did not read the Boundaries book.
I am giving myself a mommy time-out as they say. Or I should really call it the “count-my-blessings-so-I-don’t-curse-at-you and-then-feel-eternally-guilty time-out.” Now, I would NEVER actually curse at my children. Never. (Well, be careful to never say never…I’m not perfect and I make mistakes all the time.) But I think about it and feel it in those moments.
You know. THOSE MOMENTS. All mothers have them. All.
When your kids are unkindly fighting, or they are fighting with you, or having a tantrum of epic proportions, or having a major teen attitude, or when they are in egocentric, narcissistic me-me-me mode. I know my kids are the only ones. Yours are all perfectly behaved at all times. And all you have to do is give THE LOOK and they back down from a potential bad choice in words or actions.
Well, if you live in my reality, you sometimes need to run to the toilet. You stop, sit, collect yourself, and literally BY AN ACT OF YOUR WILL, tell God thank you for your life, your children, your home, and for being a mom, until…poof, the anger is gone. Or mostly gone. Then you can re-enter mom-life in the kitchen or wherever you are and not be unkind, or irrational or impatient.
It takes a decision, a will, and great intention to not act their age and lose my cool and say emotionally reactive words. This is easier for some of you than me. If you have less stress or pressure, or protect your schedules from total craziness, it helps. When you live with ongoing chronic stress from ____(you fill it in), that won’t go away (a disabled child, as in my story), its easy to find yourself in the “I’m going to lose my cool again” category of moms.
I will combat my stress and heated difficult parenting moments with trips to the toilet.
I read a really darling short story about a woman who locked herself in her master bathroom happily for the weekend. It was her own special stay-cation, complete with Orangina and crackers.
I may have to try that. Don’t tell my kids.